Why does love never to happen to me,
the way it finds everyone else so easily.
Is there something wrong with me
or is this how it always goes?
Love, fading before it even begins.
I know I can be too critical
looking for something wrong with me,
picking myself apart,
calling it the reason nothing ever stays.
Wait—
—remember positive affirmations:
I’m smart, I’m pretty, I'm loved.
I say it enough that it should be true.
But it feels like I'm the only one saying it.
Surely—I'm not that bad, right?
Maybe, I’m too restless. Too needy. Too picky. Or too much.
Am I too annoying for you?
I’m stuck.
Playing 20 questions with myself,
chasing something just out of reach.
Every time it comes close,
so close I almost touch it,
it pulls back.
I’m not confused about if you like me.
Just… how?
Wait— do you like me?
Or maybe, as a friend?
Always have and always will?
Have I been reading us wrong for the past year?
Is that why you haven’t written back?
You copy what I do.
You grab my hand and hold it a second too long.
You always end up standing
close to me.
It’s frustrating that it hurts.
It makes me mad.
Restless.
And what's worse?
You make me laugh so much, it hurts.
You say things that shouldn’t be funny,
and somehow, they are.
And I don’t want to leave, when I know I should.
I really want to get to know you better,
I do.
But—
—do you?
It makes me want it more.
I thought it would work this time.
But I've played this game before.
Maybe not with you, but with other boys before.
The kind where I take the first step.
One you couldn't take.
Only to be told—
—nothing.
You win,
I was never good at this game anyway.
There's still hope that maybe you’ll write back.
Don't worry, I won’t hold it against you
(or I will, and act like I don’t).
Take the time you need.
I’ll wait.
I’ll sit by the door,
like before,
like always,
waiting for nothing.
I just hope you don’t forget me.
Love forever,
(or at least till I find someone to replace you).
