Sometimes it's very hard to sleep at night
It's not stress, it's not drugs
It's not my mind
That's what I say to myself
None of those are the reason for my lack of sleep.
Something happens when I lie in bed
And close my eyes
I wish my mind would surrender my head
And vanish.
I wish my body was not my own,
Afloat in silence
I want to sleep
Instead, I am consumed.
Not the way one would bite an apple
Quenching hunger and thirst at the same time.
But in the way a wasp succumbs
Inside the fruit of a fig.
Lured into the thought of sweet solace
Buried by endless nourishment
Breathless as time grows tall
And whose fault is it
Mine.
Tonight, I am guilty of everything
I am guilty of the sins I had committed as a child,
From stealing the spotlight of a friend
To unattainable anger forming a foe.
Tonight, I avoid my fathers gaze
For I cannot bear the distain it reflects
I am guilty of not speaking to my mother
Her sins have stained every word we share.
Just as tomorrow has no arrival
Not when it has become today.
I leave no residue behind
When I am sliced open.
You will not know
Whether I have lived
In this life
Or before
I am forever.
