Having sex for the first time can feel like a mix of excitement, nerves, and a whole lot of "Am I doing this right?"
With so many myths floating around- thanks, internet- it’s easy to feel great expectations. But here’s the thing: your first time should be about what you want, on your terms (so long as everyone’s consent is respected, including whoever you’re with!)
So, let’s talk about what really matters to make it a positive, safe, and pressure-free experience.
1. Comfort Comes First- With Yourself and Your Partner
It’s normal to feel a little awkward or self-conscious. But remember: your partner is likely feeling the same!
Confidence doesn’t come from looking or performing any one way- it comes from feeling good in your own skin. If you’re comfortable and relaxed, it’ll make the whole experience way more enjoyable for both of you.
2. There’s No “Perfect” First Time
Forget the rom-com version of candlelit perfection: it’s so unrealistic.
Real-life sex can be messy, funny, and sometimes a little clumsy. That’s okay! Let go of the idea that it has to be flawless and just focus on what feels right in the moment.
3. Go at Your Own Pace
No rule says your first time has to include everything all at once.
Start slow, explore what you like, and communicate with your partner. If you’re not ready for penetration, things like mutual masturbation, oral sex, or even just kissing can be just as intimate and fun.
The key? You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with, and if something doesn’t feel right, let whoever you’re with know.
4. Consent Is Ongoing, Not Just a One-Time “Yes”
Consent isn’t just about getting the green light before things start- it’s an ongoing conversation.
Check in with your partner, read their body language, and make sure you both feel good about what’s happening at all times. Enthusiastic consent is needed from start to finish, and everyone involved should be equally into it.
And if anyone wants to stop? No questions, no pressure- just respect.
5. Sex Gets Better with Practice (and Communication)
Your first time might not be mind-blowing- that’s normal.
No one is born a sex expert, and the best sex happens when you learn what you (and your partner/s) enjoy. Talk about what feels good, what doesn’t, and don’t be afraid to laugh off any awkward moments. It’s a learning curve, not an exam.
6. Protection = Looking After Yourself
STIs don’t care if it’s your first time: protection matters every time.
Condoms (like LifeStyles® condoms) help prevent both pregnancy and STIs; and if you’re going down on someone, flavoured condoms or dental dams can keep things safer and fun.
Not sure what’s right for you? Family Planning NSW has heaps of free resources to help you make informed choices!
7. Aftercare: The Unsung Hero of a Good Experience
Sex doesn’t just end when it’s over: checking in with each other, cuddling, chatting, or even just making sure everyone’s feeling okay is so important.
If you have any concerns about your sexual health, don’t hesitate to visit a sexual health clinic or a GP. Family Planning NSW clinics offer bulk-billed services for full-time students, and there are plenty of other options if you need support.
Final Thoughts
There’s no rush, no pressure, and no universal “right” way to have your first time. What matters most is that you feel ready, respected, and safe. Take your time, communicate, and most importantly: enjoy yourself!
