BY Jeeves Verma

We chatted to Scottish comedian, dreamboat and potential sociopath Daniel Sloss ahead of his Sydney Comedy Festival Show.

JV This is Jeeves Verma, you're listening to Blitz Radio. I have with me the dashing, most hilarious winner for the Best International Act at the Sydney Comedy Festival in 2016, Daniel Sloss. How are you?

DS I'm very well, how are you?

JV Not too bad. Ah, can I just check something with you Daniel - you've appeared on Conan seven or eight times, and I think this is a record number of times anyone's appeared on Conan?

DS Eight times.

JV Eight times, yeah. Surely this means you're going to make it big in the US soon, is that what you wanted for your career?

DS I think it would be nice to have a career there, I would never move to America or anything, that's not my goal. I just want to do stand-up wherever I can, it's nice to get the chance to do that in America but no, I'm not one of the comedians that goes into comedy to become an actor, or famous or whatever. I do the job cause I love it.

JV Yeah, sure thing. That was going to be my next question, if you would venture into film or TV?

DS If the role was right and I enjoyed it and I actually cared and I thought I could do it well, then yeah. But that's not my goal in life, it's not a dream of mine to become an actor. It'd be nice, but I couldn't give a fuck about it either way, whether that happens.

JV Fair enough. We love you here, I've seen you a couple of times in Melbourne actually. Do you prefer Australian or American audiences?

DS Oh, Australian. Instantly, yeah. First of all you can say the c-word over here and no one gives a fuck, and I always find the Aussies are a bit closer to the Brits in their sense of humour, harder to upset. And just more intelligent, in general.

JV I think we feel that as well. Weird fact here, that you got a tattoo with Actor and comedian Kal Penn. Is that true?

DS Yeah, yeah. We got drunk last year in November, me and him got drunk and got tattoos together.

JV That's amazing, what did you get?

DS One of my favourite movies is Drop Dead Fred, so I just got one of the doodles from Drop Dead Fred. I can't tell you what Kal got because it's his place to tell you what he got and he hasn't revealed it yet.

JV It's funny, because I know that Kal Penn worked for the Obama administration too, so somewhere he might have a tattoo that isn't in keeping with..

DS We'd been day drinking and he'd never had a tattoo before and he'd always wanted one, and I was drunk enough to get a tattoo and there's not a chance I'm not, not having that story. The second he was like ' Want to get a tattoo?' I have to, even if I don't what to get one, because I cant live my life without this story being part of my life.

JV You had a real life ' Harold & Kumar' moment with him

DS Exactly! I grew up watching that, I grew up watching 'House'. Yeah, yeah I'll come for a tattoo. He could've said anything. He could've said 'Let's go get our dicks pierced,' and I would've been like 'Yeah, alright, yeah grand.'

JV That's awesome. I want to talk about your last show, you spoke about relationships and how 80% of them are false and based on lack of self love, rather than real love for someone else. So it seems like relationships are something you dedicate a lot of your brain space to. So I was wondering if we could ask you some love advice?

DS Sure.

JV Great, so we have a few questions sent in by some of our students. This one is from 'Derrick' - "My mother raised me to be a gentleman, so as a gentleman should I offer to pay half for the morning after pill?"

DS Is it not free over here?

JV No, it's not.

DS Oh, your country's fucked, that's awful. That's a real government issues, gross that you have to pay for that, that's disgusting. But look, if you're the one that comes inside of a girl, you buy her the fucking pill, like that's on you buddy. It's not about feminism, it's about being a decent human being.

JV Yeah i think I agree. Say, if you take a girl out on a date, do you pay or do you go halfies or...

DS It's entirely up to her. I'll always offer to pay, but if they want to pay half, let them pay half. You don't get to force your chivalry on other people, that the end that ends up becoming the polar opposite of chivalry

JV Yeah. Are you in a relationship yourself Daniel?

DS Am I in a relationship? Lord, no. Why would I want to do that?

JV Are you on Tinder?

DS I was, I was for a couple of years. I was on Tinder back in the good old days, back when Tinder was good. I'm very aware that Tinder is a very different experience for men and women, but being a man, Tinder was a very fun experience. I got to meet a bunch of fun, interesting women from around the world and go on dates and copulate and what not, and I understand the experience for women is very different. I got off it because Tinder stopped being Tinder. The second I started seeing stuff like 'I'm not here for one night stands' in their bios, then why the fuck are you on Tinder? There's dating websites. It's like turning up to a BBQ and being like "I'm vegetarian," well, fuck off, you don't get to change the rules of what this is.

JV Exactly right. Would you, just to satisfy some of our readers and listeners, be on Tinder when you come back to Sydney?

DS Nah, I'm only in Sydney for three or fours days and my best friend lives here. So sex is not a priority for me.

JV Oh, you've broken hearts

DS Yeah, I'm sorry.

JV Well, here's another question from 'Cathy,' -"What's your idea of a romantic date?"

DS Not interested, avoid romance like the fucking plague. I've got zero interest in it. The bets thing to do is find out what your partner likes and surprise them with one of those things. And even if they don't like anything, then you make it small. Romance is based on the thought and the gesture that goes into the thing, as opposed to the actual experience itself. So the fact that you took time out of your day to think about the person, and create a moment for them, that's what romance is as opposed to the thing itself.

JV That's very wise. I enjoy that. I have a question here from Carla, who is a colleague of mine. It's "Will you marry me?"

DS No, I'm sorry. I mean wait, is she red headed?

JV Oh, you like red heads? 

DS Yeah, I'm saving myself for a ginger, there's not a chance I'm marrying a woman who's not a redhead.

JV You've made half of Australia very happy.

DS Love gingers. God hates them, but I love them.

JV Good on you. You are somehow responsible for 500 couples breaking up, and three engagements and a marriage - is that true?

DS Yes, yes. My show last year when I spoke about relationships and my opinion on them, in my little rant at the end resulted in all of those people breaking up with their partners, because I was right! As I always am.

JV Fantastic. How did you find out about all these breakups?

DS Oh they tweeted me, they Instagrammed me, I got Facebook messages, people stopped me in the street to let me know they were much happier now that they've broken up with their boyfriend or girlfriend because of what I said. Yeah, doing God's work.

JV I think anyone who goes out of their way to make society a better place is in my eyes a good person.

DS Yeah, I'm still waiting for my Nobel Peace Prize, I reckon it will come one of these years.

JV Yeah good. Your new show now is about proving wrong audiences that have called you a sociopath after the breakups. What can we expect from the new show?

DS It's basically argument of logic versus emotion. I do not believe I am a sociopath, I've done the tests, but I still get accused of being it. So it's not because i am a sociopath, the reason I get accused of being a sociopath is the way I use my logic so me pointing out that my logic is not flawed, and everyone else's is.

JV I'm looking forward to the show immensely. You said you're here for three days, but you've got one show is that correct?

DS Yeah, I'm doing the other galas, I'm doing one at the Opera House, I'm doing one at the Enmore.

JV Fantastic. The Enmore Theatre is on the Saturday, 28th of April, at 9.30PM and they should go to the Sydney Comedy website for all the details. That is all the questions I have for you Daniel, thank you so much for chatting with our audience

DS No worries, thanks so much, nice chatting to you buddy. I'll see you in Sydney.

Catch Daniel Sloss at the Sydney Comedy Festival, on from the 23 APR to 20 MAY. Daniel will be performing his latest show Now on SAT 28 APR at the Enmore Theatre - pick up tix here.