BY Will Cook

She is brazen, brash and unapologetically herself. Effie has been a mainstay in Australia’s comedic psyche since first gracing TV screens as part of the 1990s series Acropolis Now.  

Swapping the screen for stand-up, Effie and her mountain of hair and heels have taken over the stage circuit. While she might be married to the “love of her life”, Effie isn’t immune to the fascinating world of Tinder. In her forthcoming Sydney Comedy Festival Show “Love Me Tinder”, the brazen comedian explores just why we are obsessed with the world of online dating.  

Before the shows, Effie had a chat with our editor Will about all things fetishes, first dates and navigating Tinder.  

So Effie your new show is all about online dating? Have you been giving the world of online dating a try? What have been your thoughts so far?

I recently got married so I have had no reason to really. But I have a generous friend, and I like to use the politically correct word generous, as physically she is very forthcoming. And she is very proactive on Tinder. So I have been sussing it out over her shoulder. It is quite a fascinating world. As much I am happy to be married to my childhood sweetheart and first kiss, Dr. Shane Bradley Cooper. It’s a bit like when you are shopping, it’s nice to just browse sometimes.  

Are you happy just browsing what’s on the shelf? 

I am very happy but I might say that I have never seen so many options. It is incredible how much people will expose of themselves. I have seen so many disco sticks. I don’t call texting, its more like texticales to say the least. I am shocked. I haven’t had much experience in that department, apart from a one off in a carpark at Disco Sticks. I was shocked at what my virgin eyes witnessed. I felt pity. I felt confusion. I didn’t know what was down there. I have a lot of male friends and let’s just say I feel for them having to walk around with what is ultimately a very unattractive appendage.  

So apart from the carpark, what has been your worst dating disaster?  

Look I was curious at Vibrations (a bopping nightclub in Effie’s hey-day) and then I was with this guy and he said maybe we should check out his car. I don’t want to say it was embarrassing. But when I looked at what I looked at, I was a bit perplexed at what I was seeing all I could think of was a zucchini with a mushroom on top. This guy was obviously wanting to have a good time, but I started something I was never going to finish.  

Do you believe in love at first swipe?

Look let’s not kind ourselves it doesn’t happen often but it might. But you can’t help but think that it is just a place where genitals can get to know each other. We are animals at the end of the day. 

How does one keep Effie excited when in relationship with you?  

Someone that you can create fantasies and dreams with in the everyday. I don’t think you should drop the ball. I am lucky I have a man that loves me. I think it’s more about our relationship with ourselves that makes or breaks a relationship. Love is the drug that we are all addicted to and it makes for fascinating chemistry, and Tinder is the sugar.  

Can you give me your best pick up line? 

Honest is the best policy. So, I would say I am a Logie winning cultural icon, what’s your story. Life is a visual medium and I score in that department. I make an effort. It may take me a quick hour and a half to get ready in the morning but I am not going to pretend I am someone else. I am a gutsy chick who loves wholeheartedly, so I would be the kind of woman most men would hunt after. I don’t make the first move.  

If I were to see one show  at the Sydney Comedy Festival why should I make it yours? 

First you would have a lot affection for who I am. You would have taste. Secondly, the show is unforgettable. There are a lot of spontaneous things that happen during my show. Thirdly, they don’t call me a legend for nothing. I have been around for 30-years, in a very hygienic way. Come see my show and you will know why. People salivate after seeing me live. People walk out feeling taller and more armed to have a red hot go.  

Effie, I have to ask for my mum. How do you keep all that hair so voluptuous?  

As you know, I was a hairdresser by trade. I am not opposed to a bit of mousse. At the end of the day, it takes commitment. The higher the hair, the closer to God. 

Effie's Love Me Tinder Show Dates: FRIDAY 17th May @ Concourse Concert Hall & SATURDAY 18th May @ Factory Theatre. TICKETS