It’s 9 pm on a Tuesday night. They are using every muscle to wring the conversation out into pathetic drips of hope: “I wish you were here,” “When can I see you again?” But don’t lose faith in them. Here are 20 questions to ask your situationship that aren’t ‘What are we?’ when you’re down bad…  

1. If a witch turned me into a baked bean, but she didn’t tell you, do you think you would recognise me?  

If they say no… block them as quick as you possibly can. 

2. Team Edward or Team Jacob? 

Once again, there is only one right answer here… They must pick wisely. 

3. What would you do if when you okay so he said yes would go? 

Umm.  

4. What would you do if I started eating plates when we go to restaurants together? 

They better cater for you like they’re serving the King himself. 

5. At what age did you learn to raise one eyebrow? 

One’s sophistication can only be determined by their ability to raise a single eyebrow. (If they can’t… are they really the one for you?) 

6. What is your favourite Yochi flavour? 

This will begin the biggest argument you will ever have with each other. It will bring you closer than you’ve ever been or tear apart everything you had.  

7. If you could have dinner with anyone in the world, dead or alive, who would it be? 

This question is always the window into another’s soul.  

8. What is the best degree to study at UNSW? (apart from their own) 

Does your situationship have a secret second passion? Or do they just have a lot of friends studying something else? 

9. What brand is your microwave? 

If you have the same brand… well it’s meant to be!!! 

10. Are you waiting in line for Alleyway Kitchen at 1pm on a Tuesday on campus? 

The answer is always ‘yes of course’ by default!!! 

11. Do you prefer studying in the Law Library or the Main Library? 

Soft launch a study date? 

12. Is it better to speak or to die? 

Maybe existentialism is the key to their heart.  

13. Is love in the brain or the heart? 

Make sure they’re not an anatomy major… they might start spitting facts that make your skin tingle.  

14. If I was hit by a fire truck, what would you do? 

15. Do you tap on the light rail? 

Or are you dating a criminal?? 

16. Does human consciousness exist without the brain? 

More existentialism to keep the spark alive.  

17. Who is your biggest enemy at uni? 

And why is it Turnitin? 

18. If you could pick anyone in the world, who would you let write your biography? 

19. Do you put the toilet paper over or under? 

Will you be able to live with them? 

20. What are we? 

Because seriously… what are we? 

My name is Imogen Buttigieg, and I am a second year studying a Bachelor of Arts and Media. I love to read, write and stay up late playing the PS5 even when I must wake up early the next day. I have a passion for keeping up to date with my Goodreads profile, writing short stories that are just a little odd, and drinking iced coffee past 8pm. I can also say whether any song is sung on Glee in a matter of seconds.