Have you ever had that urge to beat up somebody solely for their high level of ability to annoy you, even when doing the most insignificant things?

I personally get this feeling quite often. It’s like I am easily irritated by their lame approach to trigger a reaction. But since I am an advocate of world peace, I prefer to be the mature one in the situation and instead focus on subtle, minor inconveniences that won’t cost me bad karma when I wish. Here are some of my go-tos you might find good enough to wish on an annoying fellow.

Imagine washing your hair thoroughly, marinating it with oils, gels, all the beauty products you could ever think of, only to find a group of single strands spiking up like antennas mere days after. For every strand smoothened out, your enemy remembers each emotional garbage they forced you through.

Have you ever been minding your business when you suddenly bumped into a table, and your poor toe starts throbbing like a ballerina after practice? If you keep slamming into objects at random times of day, the dictionary will call you uncoordinated or clumsy. But I firmly believe that your enemies are using this spell so that you keep losing your aura in front of your associates. 

Use this against them.

One of my greatest fears is having an itchy throat in the morning that doesn’t get better even after drinking warm water. This spell is a severe way to seal your enemies’ mouths, because they might try hundreds of home remedies, but the sore throat will only leave when it wants to. It’s a silent reminder for them to think before they speak.

Let the sun do the work for you. Better is the result if they wore shades all day, for they would end up looking like a red panda. Also, every piece of clothing they wear would bring discomfort, and each hiss from them would satisfy you. No roasts can amount to the burn produced by the sunburn.

What can be more annoying than commuting on an overcrowded school bus? You're paying for a peaceful trip, but you are squished in like sardines. Each jolt and stop makes you feel the muscles that you pulled accidentally. It’s a humbling experience to be pushed by a total stranger and not even get a sorry, because it probably got lost somewhere in the crowd. Being in this crowded space will help your enemies realise they were hogging your space, shrinking you into a smaller zone. 

Punishing your enemies with unplanned cardio is also a great humbling experience. They get the chance to ponder over life decisions as they huff up all the steps to a tutorial they are probably late for. Going up the stairs - I would like to see how tough they can be. Can’t call you out anymore, can they? Probably can’t think of a comeback as they huff and puff up all the steps.

Nothing spoils the day more than a playlist full of ads. You can hurt them silently and deeply, and, better still, if they are not on premium. Hit them with the longest ad breaks. These ads represent the unwanted pause they bring to your day. For the Richie Rich with premium, have the shaman twist the spell so that they can’t find a single tune to jam to and must resort to endless skips.

This spell is opposite to “Alohomora.” Have automatic doors everywhere; ignore your enemies until they formally apologise to you. There’s also room for variation that includes: 

1. Always taking an embarrassing amount of time figuring out how to open a door, 

2. Constantly being in a situation of rushing towards the elevator door that smashes shut in their face. 

Now they must go through the endless climb curse.

Nothing worse than feeling drowsy the entire day, but as soon as your head touches the pillow, sleep slides out, and you are left staring at the ceiling in the dark. Make your enemies go over the entire day, reply in the moment, and cringe at their own actions. Let them panic at being so close to sleep but still so far. Let them fall into the trap of doomscroll and ruin their next day with a splitting headache.

This spell is especially designed to ruin their taste buds. Make your enemies spend tons on food only to find out that they taste horrible. For that price, surely they must set some pride aside to savour a dish they dislike. Deal with it! This lesson subtly teaches them that the world does not revolve around them and that they need to learn to adjust for the greater good.

All these inconveniences are not designed to make your enemies suffer, but to turn them into better humans. You are giving them a chance to be humbled. Why put up your fists when you can unlock your magical potential by pen - or a click to the nearest Etsy witch? Stop waiting for your Hogwarts invite and get cooking with these easy manifestations. 

Do not let your imagination fall short as you pick up more minor inconveniences for the people who did you wrong. 

Reet is a third-year computer engineering student with a flair for finding stories in everyday scenarios. She loves twisting it up with a tinge of humour to make readers find joy in the simplicities of life.