Life is like a box of chocolates. Specifically like a Favourites box of chocolates, because while some of it is horrible, there’s always some really enjoyable parts that make you want to keep living… or buying more Favourites boxes. So, here’s the official ranking of the Favourites chocolates, decided by the people I’ve interviewed, but mainly me, because I have the best taste. 

I never understood how the Turkish delight was a symbol of temptation in Narnia. That is the opposite of temptation. You’re telling me this is what made Edmund betray his family? If you enjoy this chocolate, you think you’re better than the Cherry Ripe girlies, but you’re not. You probably enjoy Brussels sprouts. You should re-evaluate your life choices. We’re no longer living in a world where sugar is scarce. I’d rather walk up and down the stairway to upper campus ten times than eat one of these.

Essentially, sometimes you’re better off gifting a box of Ferrero Rocher, instead of subjecting anyone to a fate of untouched chocolates at the bottom of the box. Only gift someone a Favourites box if you hate the children on their street, because at Halloween, the only candy they will get will be Turkish Delights and Cherry Ripes.

Tastes like the flavoured medicine my parents had to force down my throat as a kid. The coconut is okay…but there’s just not enough chocolate around it. Apparently, it’s the oldest Australian chocolate bar. Imagine living in a world where this was your only choice of chocolate (I could not survive). If you like this, it’s okay. You don’t have to prove that you’re unique; you can be honest with me. Something to address here: Yes, I did put this as better than Turkish Delight, which might be controversial. Some people feel really strongly about this - “Cherry Ripe is like the worst thing on Earth after kidnapping,” one of our interviewees stated.

I dislike caramel inside chocolate, in case you haven’t already realised. Not popular at all among the interviewees either. It’s just a less fun version of the Caramello Koala.

Just a sad rip-off of the Mars bar, maybe combined with a sadder version of the Boost. No one has ever talked about this chocolate.

Great classic dark chocolate. But I’d only eat this if it was that time of the month, if you know, you know. If this is your first pick from the box, have you ever considered happiness? Joy? Glee? (Who hurt you?)

Was a huge fan of white chocolate before I found out it’s made of bugs”

- An interviewee who gets all their information from TikTok. 

Spoiler: it’s not made out of bugs. To those who say white chocolate isn’t real chocolate, where did I ask for your opinion…? Enjoy your dark chocolate and black coffee because your tastebuds have died, and you’re jealous of us sugar-loving, childhood-having, whimsical young ones. 

The messy version of dairy milk chocolate. Because why am I suddenly eating air? And why is there chocolate everywhere now? I ate a Twirl in the library, and they kicked me out because they didn’t allow messy foods. The Flake was better.

Very popular among a lot of the people I talked to. The texture of the inside is a little pasty, but it has the whole package—caramel, rice puffs, and chocolate. I may be a little biased because personally, after the Picnics are finished, I’m done with the whole box of Favourites.

Overrated. Too sweet for me, but somehow people like the texture. To that, I say, go chew a wall or something less hard than a Crunchie. One of our interviewees said, “It’s so much fun.” Perhaps they need some more fun in their life... (Note: The Crunchie ranking is proof that this is not a biased article, because I would have put it much, MUCH lower.)

I love chocolate, I love chocolate, I love chocolate! I’m genuinely not sure how you can hate the og dairy milk chocolate bar. Call me boring for picking it (maybe I am), but sometimes you have to appreciate the basic things in life. And sometimes that’s a plain milk chocolate, or the sausage sizzles at every UNSW society event…

Perfect, all-rounder, not too much caramel in the middle, plenty of chocolate, nuts, and it’s still not too hard to bite. However, it does remind me of the weird energy bars they make in the King Julien series (does anyone get this?), which may be a pro or con depending on how you see it. Essentially, this bar is what chocolate is all about. 

Final note: Younger me loved the Dream, white chocolate one, which is very controversial. So I’m glad it’s gone now, so I can write this article without getting cancelled. Thanks. Please don’t hunt me down.

Sajani Samarasinghe is a student from UNSW studying a dual degree in Law and PPE. A self-appointed food rating connoisseur, she is often found trying new sweet treats on campus. She loves making her friends laugh and signing up for everything she sees on Instagram.