PROCRASTINATION IS A DISEASE AND I HAVE IT


BY Candice Vilkeviciute

3AM

It's 3am and you have a problem. Assessment deadlines are rapidly approaching. Exams are drumming to the beat of your imminent demise. Internship applications are draining your ego.

You know you must maximise your work ethic but a force stronger than your will, summoned you to watch Netflix and YouTube, for an entire 12 hours straight. You couldn’t have possibly watched Netflix for over 12 hours... It was someone else, a devil that possessed you. Your head attempts to turn desperately towards the direction of your textbooks, but the demons ambush you, gnawing their way through your brain, shattering your mental clarity and re-positioning your head to the screen of procrastination. You take full responsibility for your lack of productivity but to be honest, this isn’t your fault: someone else made you do it.

Tomorrow is a new day, you will re-emerge as Albert Einstein the second. You will break free, from this horrible curse.

9AM

Your room is messy, you need to find your inner Zen before you can commit to 3 hours of solid study. You declutter, spring clean and re-organise your room, to generate the best Feng Shui. This is not a time waster, it’s essential to maintaining your sanity and enhancing your productivity.

11AM

Your room feels cleaner, old memories trickled down the trash, rubbish cleared, your mind is now reset. That was hard work wasn’t it? You deserve to relax a little before the real studying begins.

12PM

Whilst enjoying your free time, you stumble on old photos from your past. God you’re ugly. The orange hair with bright blue lipstick? Your look was a tragicomedy. Your former flame randomly appears on you newsfeed. He’s posing pretentiously next to the UNSW medicine building, whilst subtly flexing his muscles. His message? I’m aesthetic and intelligent. Your friends look like they’re having fun. Champagne glasses rolling down their shirts, eyes glistening with an intoxicated daze and smiles larger than Donald Trump’s ego. You keep scrolling and realise there’s new memes to chuckle over, important current affairs issues to explore and hey you spot someone cute, so you click on their profile and conduct an investigation into their entire existence. The new Taylor Swift song drops, making you feel so gangster, as you bop to the beat of a real mob leader. Six hours of your time has passed, but again it wasn’t you, it was that demon, stronger than a tornado, and more forceful than Miss Trunchbull from Matilda.

6PM

You need food. You are starving after all that hard work. Procrastination is the key to getting started, you console yourself. You devour a delicious feast and now you’re ready. You tell everyone to not disrupt you, as you’re in serious military study mode.

8PM

You write two sentences. You feel proud. This is a miracle. Your fingers twitch and your shoulders start having their own epileptic fit. Two sentences, two bloody sentences. Tears pour down your face, as this tremendous effort came at the expense of your social life. You deserve to take a little break, just a small one, nothing longer than 15 minutes. You lie on your bed, content that you’ve finally started an assignment due tomorrow morning.

12AM

Crap. You overslept. What was supposed to be a 15 minute break, turned into a 4 hour nap.

1AM

You drink a strong dose of coffee and you motivate yourself by envisioning the completion of your degree, alongside your future ambitions and hopeful final destination. Envision it, believe it, work it: James Chen, UNSW (MBBS), Fellowship Of The Royal Australian College of Surgeons (Neurosurgery). You’re going to save lives. But how can you save lives, if you can’t even finish more than two sentences without falling asleep? This sudden epiphany, coupled with gloomy deadlines, force you to work harder, aim higher and never stop grinding; until you finish another 2 sentences.

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