Ok, picture this. It’s the afternoon. You’re in a room with other Blitz writers bouncing ideas around. Then something magical is brought up: A Favourites Ranking. At first, you are like: “What do you mean by Favourites?” Favourite what? Favourite unicorn? Favourite My Little Pony? Favourite horse? Wait, sorry I got sidetracked, but the answer to all those questions is probably Apple Jack or Pinkie Pie (just pretend they have unicorn horns, ok). ANYWAYS.

Eventually, you come to the realisation. Oh, of course. The chocolates. And then you immediately expect something universal - that everyone has the same favourites out of the favourites box. But instead, you are undercut with the fact that A FAVOURITES RANKING IS CONTROVERSIAL?! HOW CAN A FAVOURITES RANKING BE CONTROVERSIAL?!

So you get curious. Scroll down the Blitz Instagram page (super cool btw check it out), and you finally reach it. The Favourites Ranking. You look for the ranking of Old Gold because it should probably be last. It’s literally in the name. It’s OLD gold because it’s old. And it’s dark chocolate. TELL ME WHY IT IS SEVENTH. 

Ok, listen, that might be excusable, BUT WHY ARE MORO AND CARAMELLO BEFORE IT?!

And.

Why.

Is.

Crunchie.

Third.

And.

How.

Is.

Picnic.

First.

As you can tell, this was peak ragebait for me (and probably for you too). So, to elevate the tension in the room, I am going to be like those ASMR people who peel dried paint off palettes in one go. Let me put your mind at rest with a PROPER Favourites ranking. 

Disclaimer: If you were the person who wrote the Favourites Part 1 Ranking, I’m sorry for my disagreements. I’m sure you are a great person. Also, I would gladly share a Favourites box with you because you would not eat my favs first.  

I might be a bit biased here, but when I am getting chocolate from a Favourites box (aka something people pass around on their birthdays), I am not planning to get a sugarless cacao dump. It is my last choice. No one has old gold, unless they want to act like they are above everyone else and are too cool to have a sweet treat. But that is NOT me. So, of course, it's at the bottom. Let’s keep this one for wine tastings or something.

This is a chocolate you pick up when there is nothing else left. There’s just something off about it. I do like the way it melts in your mouth, though, that's kinda fun. But taste-wise, it doesn’t compare to the rest of the chocolates. I wouldn’t hate you if you chose this as your favourite, but I would definitely give you a side eye and a raised eyebrow.

I didn’t know whether to swap this one and Number 8 around. So, if you are like “this placement is so not cool”, I’ll take it. 

This one stumps me a little. Sometimes I like Turkish Delight. It’s kind of fancy, but not like Old Gold snobby fancy. More like the baby that was excited to go to the Four Seasons Orlando. But it’s not something I would actively pick, because it may be TOO fancy for a Favourites box.

My mum loves Turkish Delights, and I don’t want to disappoint her. Sorry mum. She can’t be too mad, though, because I never said it was bad.

I ended up with this placement because I am more likely to pick up a Cherry Ripe than a Turkish Delight (sorry mum, again). While this is ‘dark chocolate’ (not as snobby as Old Gold to me), the sugar levels are higher. Also, the red colouring (even though it's a questionable food dye) is cool. Being very aesthetic and matching the packaging. This is as close as I am getting to truly liking dark chocolate.

Ahem *off-brand Snickers*. I mean whaaaat I didn’t say anything... 

I used to LOVE Picnics when I was 10. It was one of my go-tos (also Cherry Ripes - apparently I am aging backwards). I used to get those big bars. You know, when you have something too often that you once loved, that you reach a point where you actively avoid it? That’s what happened with Picnics and I. Still have a soft spot for them. 

Final thoughts: pretty solid but not the greatest option out of all of them, in my humble opinion.

See, this is something I just associate with Australia. Like duh, Caramello Koala. I was actually today's age when I registered. There is just Caramello, and it doesn’t have to be a Caramello Koala. Why do we call it a Caramello Koala anyway? You don’t call me an Anagha Human. Sorry, I got sidetracked. Caramello.

This is a valid pick, but it’s not very high up because I feel like the inside is too sweet. It’s something you can pick up, and it’s yummy, but it’s just not something I would FEAST on. If you do, I won’t judge you, though. Caramello gets love in this ranking.

When I was originally writing this list, I put Caramilk before Caramello. But then fate (more like my dad) brought me a Caramilk egg. And then I realised Caramilk is lowkey so goated. It’s white chocolate, which means it’s slightly on the overly sweet end, BUT if I got one, I would be happy. I feel like people usually overlook Caramilk. Go try one. You will realise it is underrated (trust me).

This one’s so interesting because it has the vibes of Mars and Snickers, yet it's so unique in its own right. Saying that, I feel like I would get sick of it if I had too many because of its intense chewiness. But if it were offered to me, I would take it.

I have thought very deeply about this list. So deeply that Dairy Milk is third. Why? 

Dairy Milk is the original. Let's be real, without it, half of these chocolates wouldn’t even exist. And who has ever turned down Dairy Milk? Basically, nobody (except for the Old Gold heartthrobs who apparently exist). And have you ever had a MELTED Dairy Milk? I can’t right now. Don’t make me think about this. I should have had some chocolates while making this ranking.

Twirl is SUCH a good pick. I love the flakiness. If you have ever had a Flake and hated the messiness but loved the taste, this is for you. In the Favourites box, the niche chocolates are the best, in my humble opinion. And Twirls need to be picked up more.

HANDS DOWN, THIS IS THE BEST PICK OUT OF THE BOX. It combines everything you want. It’s niche enough that people will look past it, which means you have more to yourself because people don’t know how good it is. It has crunchy bits and some chewiness, but it’s not as chewy as Moro. AND YOU CAN EAT AS MANY AS YOU WANT WITHOUT GETTING TIRED OF IT. Trust me, once you get one out of a Favourites box, you will try and dig to find every Boost remaining (speaking from experience).

Now, I am sure some of you guys will disagree with me. I get it. It’s fine. I didn’t call it a definitive ranking on purpose, though, so…

PSA: To the next Favourites Box Ranker (if there is one), why bro? Let me have my moment. Actually, I am sure the previous ranker is thinking the same thing. Oops.

I will be back with more rankings if they are valid. Otherwise, I will be like the rabbit in the cave with the grapes, except the grapes will be Boosts. ✌🏼

Me in true tranquillity:

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Anagha Abhi (full: Anagha Abhilash Kumar) is a Bachelor of Arts student, majoring in Creative Writing and minoring in Art History and Theory and Fashion and Textiles. When she is not writing for Blitz, she is an editor at UNSWeetened and also probably drenched in pink.

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