Dearest Blitzian, 

And just like that, after an inadequate 2–3 week break, we’ve found ourselves back at our beloved university for our final term. With T1 & T2 grades failing to meet our high-set expectations, it sure does feel like EVERYTHING is riding on this final set of courses. All you have to do is score over 95/100 in every single class to average out your past mistakes… that’s totally achievable… right? 

It’s about time I use this column to address the academic angst amongst our Blitzians. From fluctuating WAMs to a complete lack of motivation, your responses over this year have not gone unchecked! Walter is here to put your worries at ease, and fast! We only have a few weeks to iron out these kinks before we get catapulted into yet another round of assessments ( don’t you just love trimesters!!! ). 

Well, you’re in luck – motivation isn’t a tangible thing that you have to save up like money – it’s invisible and therefore, mouldable. Motivation is a state of mind. In the same way that you have to pretend that you’re asleep to actually fall asleep, your academic motivation has to originate from delusion. Study groups help, changing your study environment helps, and so does listening to ambient music. Find out which of these stimulants helps simulate a feeling of focus for you, and with time, the real deal will come.

Well, we’re all going to end up as co-workers at McDonald’s anyway, so I think you should ask yourself if it will really matter in the long run?  

Wow. That’s damn impressive. A whole 26-point difference in one term?? With an achievement like that under your belt, I don’t see why, with just a little tender, love, and care, you won’t be able to remedy that WAM back into a passing grade as if nothing ever happened. You know in movies when someone is saying goodbye at an airport and they look back once before heading forward to their new life? This will be you. Take one last dramatic glance at that academic warning before swiftly turning around and entering your new life of productivity, which involves studying on your free days, actually attending tutorials, and submitting assessments on time. Cue the inspirational movie soundtrack.

Ahh, a fellow perfectionist, game recognises game? Anxiety tends to make the smallest of hurdles feel like those 10-foot-tall walls that they have to run up in American Ninja Warrior. 

Firstly–remind yourself what you’re capable of– because you’ve been training for this. You’ve done plenty of assessments before, you know ( or will soon know ) the content, you’re smart, you’re capable, and you got into this university course because the UNSW admissions team deemed you worthy of having lecturers and tutors spend time on you. 

Secondly, we need to lower the height of the hurdle as much as possible. This is only achieved by starting in a low-stress environment, a.k.a. starting as far ahead of the due date as possible. If this isn’t possible, just clear out a solid block of study time and get through it. Give yourself permission to initially produce an assessment that’s a little bit crap, because crappy-but-done is always better than perfect-but-non-existent. Once you’ve reached that word count, editing or replicating something is so much easier than cramming at the last minute. 

Getting a more rational perspective on your workload from family, friends or even your personal therapist, ChatGPT can also help show you that your 10-foot-tall wall of an assessment is actually a tiny little stepping stool, which will help you to reach self-betterment and much-deserved academic success.

Well that’s all for today folks, say it with me… P’s get degrees!