BY Albert Lin

Contrary to popular belief, irony is a finite resource in the world, and was sustainably used for centuries, only dipping when a humorous calamity or great work of art was created. 

Recently, however, the world supply has been in jeopardy, ever since hipsters began to ironically enjoy everything, and increased with the explosion of ironic memes and satire in the wake of Trump’s election.

Finally, the world’s supply was exhausted when Yassmin Abdel-Magied was denied a visa into the US, on her way to give a speech about the struggles of young muslim women in the modern world. There is discussion and debate about why this has been, but what is known is that Yassmin was able to successfully travel on the same visa as before to go to similar events in the United States in the past. The visa may be wrong, but either way it was ironic enough for the world’s supply to finally drop to near nothing.

Irony is measured in Irons, named after the discoverer of irony, one Mr Iron in 1258 AD, who died from dehydration on a sailing ship in the middle of the Mediterranean Ocean. The world supply was always steady at approximately 100 kiloIrons (kI), but since 2008 and the solidification of hipsters as a subculture, the supply dropped to an unsustainable level. The world supply was projected to run out in 2027, but the recent jump in satire and memes accelerated this process.

We spoke to a Melbourne hipster who runs a deconstructed coffee pop-up that only serves organic products in inorganic cups, but he was too busy realising that everything he’d ever done was a pile of pretentious bullshit to comment.

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