BY Ysabel Anne Aluquin

Do chains and whips excite you? Are you tired of being too vanilla (and I’m not talking ice cream)?

Well if you want to try something new and you’re too scared to go the full Fifty Shades, this is the
guide for you.

Firstly, before you can explore kink, you need to make sure to discuss this with your partner. Just
like it takes two to tango, it takes two to be kinky. Now, I’m not saying you can’t explore the sexy
world alone, I’m just saying that if you’re going into it with someone else, you better talk first! Make
sure to lay out anything and every thing that either of you are comfortable and (especially)
uncomfortable with. It’s good to know what excites your partner and what scares them. The first
step to really getting into kink is to talk about it, this includes your soft and hard limits.

Soft Limits

These are limits that you maybe can change your mind on later on or are limits that you can maybe
be persuaded into at some point. The main point of soft limits is to let your partner know that these
are things that make you uncomfortable. To manage a soft limit, it requires a lot of discussion on
whether or not there can be specific conditions to each limit that make them a possibility at some
point. It’s important to be cautious and wary of soft limits. Although they are soft, they are still a
limit after all.

Hard Limits

Hard limits are limits that are 100% unchangeable. There is no way to change your partner’s mind about these limits and you should respect their decision to make whatever it is a hard limit. Violating a hard limit is just as bad as violating your partner. It’s something that must really be discussed in detail and you shouldn’t be afraid to make a specific kink a hard limit just because you think your partner will enjoy it. As much as kink is about pleasuring your partner, it’s also important to take care of yourself and so if there’s something you want to make a hard limit, just do it. 

Discussing limits is a very important aspect of BDSM that should never be left until later. Another very important aspect is the use of a safe word. This can be any word, from a colour or food or any other word you can possibly think of. Make sure this word is easy to say and understand. Something as simple as red works because it’s only one syllable, easily distinguishable and easy to shout out in the middle of sex. Now that the hard part’s over (get it?), it’s time to get down and dirty! Here are some simple and fun ways to slowly enter into the world of BDSM:

Blind and Bind

It’s easy enough to find some makeshift restraints and blindfolds around your household, so before
you splurge on that expensive set you saw online, try and see whether or not you’re actually
comfortable being blindfolded or bound. Start off your exploration with some neckties, scarves or
even some old t-shirts that you can cut up. When tying your partner down (and I’m talking literally),
use knots that are strong enough to restrict their movement but easy enough to get out of should
they feel the need to. If you’re going the extra mile by gagging your partner with whatever is
around, make sure that you’ve got a signal of some sort in place of your safe word.

Hit or Miss?

Another interesting thing you could try is some light impact play. You can use anything from a belt,
your own hand or even a wooden spoon (make sure you clean it though). Try out different objects
around your house before you invest in an actual whip, flogger or paddle. Give your partner the
time to get used to the feeling of being hit and make sure to avoid hitting any sensitive spots such
as the stomach. Aim for some meatier parts such as their butt, inner thigh or even a “gentle” slap
on the face. Test out multiple rhythms and see what works best!

Get Your Role On

Something for those a little more adventurous, why not give role-playing a chance? Put yourself in a
fun little scenario and act out your favourite porn scene. You can be anyone! Make sure to fully
discuss this with your partner and try and keep your scenarios as lighthearted as possible.
Sometimes it can be really fun to let go of your individual persona and take on the role of someone
completely different. Just remember, it’s okay to be silly and have fun. If you both end up laughing
your way through, it’s a lot better than not having any fun at all.
For more things to try, you can check out this article on 13 Things To Try If You're New To BDSM
and if you’re interested in trying kink out in a different setting than your bedroom, Sydney has it’svery own Studio Kink which offers educational courses on BDSM from introductory rope courses to Beat and Greets.

At the end of the day, don’t be too scared to try new things and feel free to enjoy the darker side of
things once in a while. BDSM and kink aren’t as scary as you think and nowadays, they’re not even
that taboo anymore and we have Fifty Shades of Grey to thank for that.

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