Ground Breaking research proves that your ‘Wokeness’ can be measured by the amount of glitter you find in your bed the morning after Mardi Gras
Did you wake up to find approximately 3 kilograms of glitter in your bed after Mardi Gras? If so, you may just be woke.
“You can tell a real Gras goer by measuring the inconvenience they are willing to accept for the week following the event” said expert sociologist Cathy Xu.
No longer does a young person need to get themselves a twitter account or understand what this week Chapo Trap House episode is about, all you need is a free and open disposition participate in the Mardi Gras.
“Glitter is not just a temporal commitment” she reports, “a person who glitters their body must be resilient to wayward glances from conservative colleagues for days.”
If you are still finding glitter innocuously sprouting from your facial orifices today, you are what Ms Xu has deemed “woke AF.”
Mardi Gras celebrated its 40th Birthday this year, and like anything in its fourth decade of life, the Gras gleamed a comfort with itself that bespeaks the body positivity of the 22nd century.
Sydney can hold its head high as a woke capital of the world as this week public transport services have lost nearly twice their usual cleaning expenditure on second and third wave glitter removal efforts.
For people under the age of 25, this week serves as a stark reminder to get woke. Studies also concluded that those without loose glitter in their hair are 34% less likely to be considered ‘worthy of dating’ than their glittery peers.
The moral is, get woke or die trying troops.